Predictions for 2010

1. Global Ionization — Scientists will discover that Earth’s supply of electrons is rapidly diminishing due to the steadily increasing number of electrons being used up by right-wing bloggers, teenaged text messagers and mid-life tweeters.

2. Under-developed African and South American countries will form an international cartel for selling electrons to the United States, Europe, Japan, China and South Korea.

3. The Pentagon will draw up joint contingency plans with China for invading Africa and South America.

4. Rabbi to the Stars Shmuley Boteach’s new book will be based on tapes of his private spiritual counseling sessions with Moses, Mohammed, Socrates, Buddha and Jon Gosselin.

5. Tiger Woods will receive the Nobel Piece Prize.

6. Republican cost cutters in Congress will propose the Logan’s Run amendment exempting Baby Boomers from health care reform. It will pass by a narrow margin with the deciding vote being cast by Senator Joe Lieberman of Connecticut.

7. Harvard Business School and the Kennedy School of Government will announce a new interdisciplinary graduate program in Nation Building.

8. US News and World Reports will rank it as Number One on the list of degrees with the greatest job growth potential over the next 7 years.

9. The American coal industry will publish a study proving that global warming does not exist. And that the particulates emitted by coal-fired power plants reflect heat from the sun back into space, reducing global warming.

10. Congress will pass a series of tax breaks for coal-fired electric power plants.