Tuesday, January 26, 2010

It’s the Economy, Stupid!

The conservative American Enterprise Institute has come up a an interesting analysis of Republican Scott Brown’s victory over Democrat Martha Coakley in the special election to fill Ted Kennedy’s senate seat: http://www.american.com/archive/2010/january/massachusetts-the-educated-class-versus-the-people

The thesis is that college graduates, the “educated class,” voted for Coakley while less educated voters stayed home or voted Republican. The article is thoughtful, intelligent and totally misses the point.

The Brown vs. Coakley election result is a perfect symbol for the Republican country club conservatives’ “culture war” theory: Effete liberals are blind to the needs of hardworking, patriotic Americans. The alternative theory is that deregulation, combined with stupid risk taking by big business, tanked the economy leaving hardworking, patriotic Americans in a world of hurt.

Less educated voters who supported Obama, were hard up economically before the recession and are feeling under the gun. Not surprisingly, their unemployment rate is higher, income is lower, and they feel time is running out. They want their needs addressed NOW. In short, they’re pissed.

Pissed voters are likely to stay home or vote against the party in power.

Brown tapped into this anger and then professional conservative agitators leaped in with campaign money and “independent” campaign ads. The ads offered no practical solutions to the economic emergency. Neither did they offer a practical alternative to the Democrats' attempts at health care reform--the focus for many voters' anxiety and anger. Apparently, they didn’t need to.

That’s how partisan democracy works.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

The Magic Fluke

Visiting the country by chance
I happened to stroll out after dusk.
I found a handy woodsy bench,
Sat to smoke a briar pipe
And to think long thoughts.

A braggadocio owl took me by surprise
As I caught her brief triumphal call—
A pithy aria from this Queen of Night—
Eulogizing some hapless rodent.

I sat back and watched the stars revolve.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Solve the Deficit with a Lottery

No one likes to pay taxes. Everyone enjoys games of chance like horse racing, card playing and the stock market. Recognizing this Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick wants to legalize casinos and allow race tracks to install slot machines since voters and legislators both balk at tax increases.

Like most Democratic proposals, it contains a kernel of sense but is far too timid. (C,f, the current milk toast health care reform currently before Congress.)

Suppose President Obama were to adopt gambling as means to increase revenues and that he decided to do it right.

Why not make the income tax a lottery. Suppose every dollar you pay in tax buys you a virtual lottery ticket? Wouldn’t that make paying taxes more enjoyable? And suppose every dollar you pay over and above the taxes you owe bought you two virtual lottery tickets. Wouldn’t you be tempted to pay a few hundred dollars a month more than you owe?

According to Wikipedia, 38,893,908 income tax returns raised $1,366,241,000,000 in fiscal year 2007. Say you set aside 1% for lottery prizes. That translates into more than 1.3 billion dollars a month or around $250,000,000 in weekly prize money.

With visions of obscene wealth dancing in their gullible little heads, the average American taxpayer would be salivating to pay his or her taxes, and to pony up extra money to improve the odds. Tax delinquency would virtually disappear, tax shelters would go out of fashion and the government could fleece the sheep enhance revenue by far more than the $13,662,410,000 annual cost of lottery prizes.

Of course, some wise guy would eventually figure out that it’s a sucker bet for the average taxpayer and that a disproportionate proportion of the prizes would go to those who have the highest taxable income. But that, of course, is why Republicans would be in a frenzy to support it and insure its passage.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Life is Like Cellulite

Life is Like Cellulite. . . unsightly, unfortunate, unfair, and lumpy.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Republican PC

Let me join in the fun and denounce Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid for his remarks on President Obama's candidacy. How dare he assert that Obama would have had a harder time running for president if he had darker skin and a less Ivy League accent? This statement is outrageous! True, but outrageous.

It implies that some American voters are so hung up on racial stereotypes that it would be hard for them to see Obama's qualifications if he projected a more ethnic image. Again, true but again outrageous. We all know that voters are free of prejudice and never subconsciously make unwarranted assumptions about a candidate based on how the candidate looks or talks. You betcha!

Barack Obama had a hard, uphill race - you should pardon the expression. It took intelligence, commitment and enormous hard work for Obama and his campaign team to overcome the obstacles facing the first African-American major party presidential candidate. Would the hurdles have been higher if Obama were more ghetto and less Harvard Law School? Probably. Would Obama have lost the race? I wouldn't bet the farm on it. And. I suspect, neither would Sen. Reid.

Patriotic Republicans rightfully resent any slur on President Obama (unless they make it). Of course, if Reid weren't effective in pushing Democratic legislation in the Senate, I doubt they would care.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Careers for the Coming Recovery

With unemployment and underemployment at near record highs, finding a job is tough. Why not use this time to develop an independent career that will take advantage of the coming recovery?

Become a naming and branding specialist.

Just follow these few basic rules and soon giant multinational corporations will be begging you to name their newest brand of soap, cell phone or social networking site.

1. Make sure the names you come up with are both meaningless and interchangeable among product types. (Practically any successful car nameplate, for instance, can be switched with a brand name from a totally different product category. Say an anti-depressant, as in the following sentence: "I was so anxious trying to decide whether to buy a Chevy Cymbalta or a Hyundai Effexor, that I needed a prescription for Escalade 200 mg.")

2. The name should be based on a word taken from a Latinate language, preferably Italian.

3. Ideally, the final product name should have 3 syllables-never fewer than 2; never more than 4.

4. Whatever word you choose as your root, the product name should have a feminine ending. C.f. Corolla, Sonata.

5. Previous practice allowed for the use of an actual word. In today's fast-paced, competitive market place, at least one consonant or vowel in the root word should be changed to render it meaningless.

Okay, let's see how these rules work in practice.

You've been contracted to develop a name for a new online gaming system. You therefore want a meaningless Italian sounding word that has nothing to due with the internet or games. The first Italian word you think of is "pizza."

Pizza already ends in the feminine sounding "a." However, it is a recognizable word and has only 2 syllables. Take care of that by adding an "e" after the "i," and we come up with "Piezza." Easy.

This ends the creative process. All that remains is busy work to justify your bill.

First, hold a strategic retreat with the client CEO, the VP of Marketing and the ad agency's Creative Director and Account Executive, at a posh yet expensive resort in New Mexico. There you lead the other participants through a long weekend of brainstorming, market identification and emotional resonance goals. This is followed by 6 months of focus groups and consumer surveys.

Next, issue a progress report identifying the issues and goals arising from the strategic retreat as refined by market testing. Three months later present a final report identifying "Piezza" as the definitive brand name, along with suggestions to guide the ad agency in designing the logo and other elements of the product launch and marketing campaign.

The final step:  bill the client at least half a million dollars, plus $247,386 in expenses.