A Star Spangled Holiday

Why do we celebrate Independence Day?

Mostly because the one-third of colonists who fought to shrug off the shackles of tyranny that bound the colonies to Britain managed to get France to come into the war against the British. Thus the colonies became free to spread out across the continent and steal land from its rightful owners.

If they had lost, July 4^th would be the North American equivalent of Guy Fawkes Day, which celebrates the foiling of the Gunpowder Plot to blow up parliament. Which only goes to show that a successful revolutionary is a patriot and a successful guerilla is a freedom fighter and not a terrorist.

Of course, by the convoluted course of history, this new nation actually did become a beacon of freedom—originally for white men of property, later for the huddled masses yearning to breathe free and more recently for educated persons of color.

The bloodiest war in American history was the Civil War, which was fought to prevent Northern industrial values from undermining Southern slave culture and was eventually won by those who wished to preserve the Union at any cost. Further blood was shed to conquer Mexican territory, ethnically cleanse any land of value of pesky Native Americans, free Cuba and the Philippines from corrupt Catholic Spanish rule and replace it by Protestant American rule, indirect or direct. And to save Asian nations from governments inimical to U.S. Foreign policy.

Fittingly, we celebrate the Declaration of American Independence with fireworks, concerts, parades and outdoor barbeques, clam bakes and picnics. As well as by shopping for discounts. What could better express the intentions of our Founding Fathers who opposed paying taxes and tariffs to support the preservation and expansion of the British Empire in North America?

The irony is that most of us alive in America today have good reason to cheer the Declaration of Independence and the county which grew by stumbling steps from that beginning. We live in a prosperous nation which allowed immigrants and their descendants to flourish with a minimum of tyranny and an unprecedented abundance of individual liberty and economic opportunity.

Chances are that few of my family would be alive today if the United States hadn't provided our ancestors with shelter from Europe's virulent antisemitism. Likewise it provided hundreds of thousands of Irish immigrants with shelter from famine, oppression and poverty, to say nothing of those fleeing persecution, revolution, violence and poverty from every corner of the earth.

So our hearts do swell with pride and gratitude toward those bewigged, Anglophone gentlemen who proclaimed our independence 234 long, bloody years ago.

That this country became the greatest military and financial power on the globe may or may not be a good thing. That it granted so many displaced and despised and simply ambitious people a home where they could enjoy the blessings of freedom, education and prosperity is a nearly miraculous achievement in which we can glory.

Levy's Second Law and the BP oil spill

Levy's second law: "Intelligence is no guarantee against stupidity," ought to be as well known as the second law of thermodynamics. Indeed, it should be required reading at any institution of higher learning.

The importance of this principle is easy to see. Just look at the roster of luminaries and high wage earners among Bernie Madoff's suckers. Or look at President Obama's endorsement of offshore oil drilling.

Experts are  more gullible outside their field than the average Joe. The higher the victim's education and IQ, the easier for con men, grifters and oil company officials to fool them.

It's not just teenagers who are subject to peer pressure. The opinions of insiders are as seductive to technocrats as Silly Bandz are to middle school pupils. And just as  parents foot the bill for their kids' fads, tax payers and community members  ultimately pay the price for technocrats' desire to be part of in-crowd.

The well-educated wrap their educations around their egos as proof of self-worth. "I'm smart, I went to Columbia and to Harvard Law School. I can trust me," goes their internal monologue.

"Here is a pigeon ripe for the plucking," say lobbyists and industry experts to themselves. Guess who gets plucked?

Markets are always right

The PBS series NOVA has an interesting show this week. Called "Mind over Money," it summarizes the debate between rationalist and behavioral economists over the role emotion plays in financial markets. http://www.wgbh.org/programs/programdetail.cfm?programid=16

The idea that markets always act rationally and that the market price is always the correct price is at best a tautology. At worst, a fraud.

Unregulated markets are prone to mistakes. Most market trends overshoot the optimum price in both directions. Stocks go up, then come down then go up. The 9 am price is not the noon price is not the closing bell price. When the price of a stock drops 40% in a day, as occasionally happens, it is hard to argue that both the opening and closing prices were right, and  the fundamental value changed by 40% in the course of a trading day.

More likely either the opening price was too high, or the closing price was too low, or, most likely, both were wrong.

Markets are not omniscient. Social costs may well not be included in determining the price, buyers and sellers may be mistaken in their understanding of the stock's or commodity's future. Someone may be manipulating the market.

Will Rogers said the key to making money in the market was "Buy a stock and sell if when it goes up. If it goes down, don't buy it."

My rule is that if someone tells you the price of stocks, housing, pork bellies, t-bills or tulips can't ever go down, he is either a fool or thinks you're a sucker.

When people believe a price can only go up and never come down, then the market is valuing optimism over common sense. Not a good sign.

In the meantime, I know a guy named Ponzi who will make you a millionaire selling you international postal orders.

What is decorative painting?

Decorative painting was news to me until I saw this web site www.patmcmahonartist.com.

The photos in the Portfolio section are semi-amazing and show how Pat McMahon uses her skills to restore objects, match designs from an earlier day and bestow a feeling of beauty and luxury to interior designs.

Well worth taking a look.

Music and Comedy - Timing is everything

Comedy and Music are closely related in many ways, none more important than the issue of timing.

As Mark Twain said, the difference between the right work and almost the right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug. As I say, the difference between the right timing and almost the right timing in comedy is the difference between a thunder clap and a belch. (Okay, a belch is funnier than thunder, but you get my point.)

Think of the Marx Brothers, the Ritz Brothers, Mae West and Harry Lauder. Now think of how intimately their comedy was entangled in music. Think of Charlie Chaplin's dance with the globe in "The Great Dictator." (As W.C. Fields is reported to have complained, "He's not comic, he's a damn ballet dancer.)

Better yet, think of Laurel and Hardy, whose comedy at times borders on ballet.

This UTube video highlights the way Laurel's and especially Hardy's, talents bridge music and comedy. Enjoy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOXYWEB7LgA

The Stations of Middle Aging

1. You're almost middle aged when you decide you need to find a doctor.

2. You're middle aged when decide you should schedule an annual check up.

3. You're really, really middle aged when you put your doctor on speed dial.

4. You know you're almost at the end of middle age when you have to write down a list of your medications before you see a new doctor.

5. You know you've left middle age behind when you have to write down a list of your doctors before you see a new new one.

When Sirens sing

When Sirens sing their voices shimmer
Like a mirage above the wine dark sea.

Do they attend their sisters' seductive song                                   
Or only the grunts and gasps of sailors
Belaboring the waves with frantic oars?

Are Sirens aroused by sounds of human lust
Or inflamed merely to engender death?

Do they pity or revel in men's mortal cries
As  sacrificial flotsam sinks like the sun
Beneath the surface of the sea.

What consummation do Sirens ache and strain for
As Ulysses tugs and strains against his chosen bonds?

An Apology to the People of Washington, D.C.

On February 1, I posted a satiric piece, “Ten Days and Counting,” castigating senator-elect Scott Brown on his lack of accomplishments in the Senate nearly 2 weeks after the election.

As I say, this piece was purely satiric since Brown had yet to be sworn in as Senator. Apparently, the newly elected senator took me seriously and hurriedly had himself sworn in shortly thereafter, just in time to cast a procedural vote stalling the confirmation of an Obama nominee.

Mother Nature failed to see the humor in this situation and slammed the Middle Atlantic states, and especially the District of Columbia, with record breaking snow storms. The district’s schools and most federal offices were closed down while the city tried to dig itself out.

I fear that my blog posting on February 1 was the trigger for this chain of events, like the proverbial butterfly in Mexico who beats its wings and causes a typhoon in the Pacific. Although shutting the federal government down for a few days is probably not the worst thing that could happen, the guilt of disrupting the lives of the good citizens of the District is a heavy burden.

I most humbly apologize.

February 19th Fund for Haiti Relief

Happy Birthday to me!

At my time of life, birthdays have lost some of their appeal. So I'm appealing to you to donate to Oxfam America to support Haiti Emergency relief.

I've set up the February 19th Fund on the Oxfam America site to make it easy for you to donate. And to make my birthday more meaningful.

Thanks.

Two weeks and counting. . .

It has been two weeks since Scott Brown was elected to the U.S. Senate. As we begin the second month of his term, it is surely time to look back and see what Sen. Brown has accomplished.

What, in fact, has he done to further the security and prosperity of Massachusetts and the nation? The sad answer is nothing.

Despite the perilous times in which we live, with two wars and wounded national and world economies he has yet to take a single positive action. No bills passed, no legislation proposed, no soul stirring oratory on the Senate floor.

In fact, he has not participated in a single legislative committee meeting or cast a single vote or even attended a single session of the Senate. How does this compare with his campaign promises and electioneering rhetoric? Pretty poorly, I'm afraid.

If Sen. Brown does not get his act together and soon, he will be soundly defeated when his seat comes up for reelection. And deservedly so!

It’s the Economy, Stupid!

The conservative American Enterprise Institute has come up a an interesting analysis of Republican Scott Brown’s victory over Democrat Martha Coakley in the special election to fill Ted Kennedy’s senate seat: http://www.american.com/archive/2010/january/massachusetts-the-educated-class-versus-the-people

The thesis is that college graduates, the “educated class,” voted for Coakley while less educated voters stayed home or voted Republican. The article is thoughtful, intelligent and totally misses the point.

The Brown vs. Coakley election result is a perfect symbol for the Republican country club conservatives’ “culture war” theory: Effete liberals are blind to the needs of hardworking, patriotic Americans. The alternative theory is that deregulation, combined with stupid risk taking by big business, tanked the economy leaving hardworking, patriotic Americans in a world of hurt.

Less educated voters who supported Obama, were hard up economically before the recession and are feeling under the gun. Not surprisingly, their unemployment rate is higher, income is lower, and they feel time is running out. They want their needs addressed NOW. In short, they’re pissed.

Pissed voters are likely to stay home or vote against the party in power.

Brown tapped into this anger and then professional conservative agitators leaped in with campaign money and “independent” campaign ads. The ads offered no practical solutions to the economic emergency. Neither did they offer a practical alternative to the Democrats' attempts at health care reform--the focus for many voters' anxiety and anger. Apparently, they didn’t need to.

That’s how partisan democracy works.

The Magic Fluke

Visiting the country by chance
I happened to stroll out after dusk.
I found a handy woodsy bench,
Sat to smoke a briar pipe
And to think long thoughts.

A braggadocio owl took me by surprise
As I caught her brief triumphal call—
A pithy aria from this Queen of Night—
Eulogizing some hapless rodent.

I sat back and watched the stars revolve.

Solve the Deficit with a Lottery

No one likes to pay taxes. Everyone enjoys games of chance like horse racing, card playing and the stock market. Recognizing this Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick wants to legalize casinos and allow race tracks to install slot machines since voters and legislators both balk at tax increases.

Like most Democratic proposals, it contains a kernel of sense but is far too timid. (C,f, the current milk toast health care reform currently before Congress.)

Suppose President Obama were to adopt gambling as means to increase revenues and that he decided to do it right.

Why not make the income tax a lottery. Suppose every dollar you pay in tax buys you a virtual lottery ticket? Wouldn’t that make paying taxes more enjoyable? And suppose every dollar you pay over and above the taxes you owe bought you two virtual lottery tickets. Wouldn’t you be tempted to pay a few hundred dollars a month more than you owe?

According to Wikipedia, 38,893,908 income tax returns raised $1,366,241,000,000 in fiscal year 2007. Say you set aside 1% for lottery prizes. That translates into more than 1.3 billion dollars a month or around $250,000,000 in weekly prize money.

With visions of obscene wealth dancing in their gullible little heads, the average American taxpayer would be salivating to pay his or her taxes, and to pony up extra money to improve the odds. Tax delinquency would virtually disappear, tax shelters would go out of fashion and the government could fleece the sheep enhance revenue by far more than the $13,662,410,000 annual cost of lottery prizes.

Of course, some wise guy would eventually figure out that it’s a sucker bet for the average taxpayer and that a disproportionate proportion of the prizes would go to those who have the highest taxable income. But that, of course, is why Republicans would be in a frenzy to support it and insure its passage.

Life is Like Cellulite

Life is Like Cellulite. . . unsightly, unfortunate, unfair, and lumpy.

Republican PC

Let me join in the fun and denounce Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid for his remarks on President Obama's candidacy. How dare he assert that Obama would have had a harder time running for president if he had darker skin and a less Ivy League accent? This statement is outrageous! True, but outrageous.

It implies that some American voters are so hung up on racial stereotypes that it would be hard for them to see Obama's qualifications if he projected a more ethnic image. Again, true but again outrageous. We all know that voters are free of prejudice and never subconsciously make unwarranted assumptions about a candidate based on how the candidate looks or talks. You betcha!

Barack Obama had a hard, uphill race - you should pardon the expression. It took intelligence, commitment and enormous hard work for Obama and his campaign team to overcome the obstacles facing the first African-American major party presidential candidate. Would the hurdles have been higher if Obama were more ghetto and less Harvard Law School? Probably. Would Obama have lost the race? I wouldn't bet the farm on it. And. I suspect, neither would Sen. Reid.

Patriotic Republicans rightfully resent any slur on President Obama (unless they make it). Of course, if Reid weren't effective in pushing Democratic legislation in the Senate, I doubt they would care.

Careers for the Coming Recovery

With unemployment and underemployment at near record highs, finding a job is tough. Why not use this time to develop an independent career that will take advantage of the coming recovery?

Become a naming and branding specialist.

Just follow these few basic rules and soon giant multinational corporations will be begging you to name their newest brand of soap, cell phone or social networking site.

1. Make sure the names you come up with are both meaningless and interchangeable among product types. (Practically any successful car nameplate, for instance, can be switched with a brand name from a totally different product category. Say an anti-depressant, as in the following sentence: "I was so anxious trying to decide whether to buy a Chevy Cymbalta or a Hyundai Effexor, that I needed a prescription for Escalade 200 mg.")

2. The name should be based on a word taken from a Latinate language, preferably Italian.

3. Ideally, the final product name should have 3 syllables-never fewer than 2; never more than 4.

4. Whatever word you choose as your root, the product name should have a feminine ending. C.f. Corolla, Sonata.

5. Previous practice allowed for the use of an actual word. In today's fast-paced, competitive market place, at least one consonant or vowel in the root word should be changed to render it meaningless.

Okay, let's see how these rules work in practice.

You've been contracted to develop a name for a new online gaming system. You therefore want a meaningless Italian sounding word that has nothing to due with the internet or games. The first Italian word you think of is "pizza."

Pizza already ends in the feminine sounding "a." However, it is a recognizable word and has only 2 syllables. Take care of that by adding an "e" after the "i," and we come up with "Piezza." Easy.

This ends the creative process. All that remains is busy work to justify your bill.

First, hold a strategic retreat with the client CEO, the VP of Marketing and the ad agency's Creative Director and Account Executive, at a posh yet expensive resort in New Mexico. There you lead the other participants through a long weekend of brainstorming, market identification and emotional resonance goals. This is followed by 6 months of focus groups and consumer surveys.

Next, issue a progress report identifying the issues and goals arising from the strategic retreat as refined by market testing. Three months later present a final report identifying "Piezza" as the definitive brand name, along with suggestions to guide the ad agency in designing the logo and other elements of the product launch and marketing campaign.

The final step:  bill the client at least half a million dollars, plus $247,386 in expenses.